10

1. Sometimes I hate blogging until I know that other people have read the previous post and commented on it. I feel like they won't read any further than this new post...and so I wait...because I LOVE comments. They make me feel loved. So please, if you read this post, know that there is a previous post down below that deserves comments. :)

2. I feel like swearing a little bit in this post because, well, I feel so ______ stupid! I won't, however, because one never knows who will be reading the post...it could even be my mother.

Anyway...

I had another panic attack this week. This is the first in almost a year. I don't know if one could actually call it a panic attack...I don't know if that's the right name for what I had.
But...I froze. I could not move from the front foyer of my house for about a half hour. And even when I could move...It was in fits and starts. And I couldn't breathe and I kept crying...
And all because, except for the front foyer, all the lights in the house were off (except for a hallway light upstairs) and it was pitch black...couldn't see what I was walking into. This was not the first time someone has forgotten to keep a light on for me...but for some reason this time I couldn't walk through the house. (When y'all come in March, I will give a tour of the house since we'll be so close, and you can see what I am talking about.)

I HATE feeling so scared all of the time. It makes me feel like I am 10 years old. I mean come on!!!! I am 2_____6 years old!!!!! What other 26 year old do you know that's scared of the _______ dark!?!?!?! Yeah! That's right! NONE!!!!! Because they are smart enough to realize that things that happen in books, movies, and their imagination is NOT real!!!!!!

But for some reason my head, thinks that they are...real, that is. (And on a different note, this could be one reason I am as singel as I am, because I think that things that happen in my daydreams could possibly come true at some point in time. But we won't get into that now...we'll save that for later.) I think there could be some person in my living room waiting to kill me, or someone in the back seat of my car...or, whatever. If my mind can think it could happen. It may not be probable, but it could be possible.

Anyway, the other night when this happened, I tried to call Sara, because I figured that it is an hour earlier in Illinois, and she is usually a night owl anyway, but her phone went directly to voice mail. And then I tried to call Stupid Jeremy, (my parents think I called him because they believe that I'm still halfway in love with him, which is kind of true, but not the reason I called, and they don't need to know that truth) because he was in Oregon for the week, and it's 3 hours earlier there, but his phone, too, went directly to voicemail.

So, finally, I made it all the way into the house, and I slept with a light on...because I am a dork.

blecchhh....One day I will grow up and be a well-adjusted adult.

Conglomeration

1. Usually I am quite proud of my spelling, but I am not at all sure I spelled the title of my post correctly. Help, anyone?

2. I have been reading the Wheel of Time series again. This is because the newest book has been released, and even when I read them all back to back, I still got confused. Now, it's been a year since I have read them, so I feel I need to start over. This time, however, I am buying them. And even if I am only buying them in mass market paperback (they are cheaper that way, and there is six million of these books...okay not six million, I may exaggerate a little bit...but not a lot. And there are other things that I buy in hard cover, i.e. Harry Potter.) they are in my library to read every time a new book is released in the series.

3. Stupid Jeremy asked me to go to Oregon with him. He is moving there at some point this year. He already has a position available for him at some outdoor ministry, he just needs to pack up his stuff, sell his house and go. If he was halfway serious, and there were even a smidgen of commitment on his part, I would be finding someone to take over my lease, looking for a new job, and heading out with him. Lord, when will I ever get that stupid man out of my head!!???!?!?!?!

4. Remember last year when we got together and I had to head back home a little early because my mom was having surgery? She had her thyroid out because it was full of cancer. Well the cancer had already spread to her lymph nodes by the time the Dr.s went for the thyroid, but they didn't know that at the time. They did some other cancer type treatment for the cancer in the lymph nodes, but it didn't work. The Dr.s don't think it will work, and so another surgery will be scheduled. Annoying, and worrying. Please pray for her. I will update all on when the surgery will be.

5. I think Gerard Butler is my new man of the moment. Since he's not really "real" he's not in competition with Jeremy (or any other man) at all. It's just nice to have someone actually fall in love with me, even if it is only in my daydreams. You may have seen him in Reign of Fire, Dear Frankie, Timeline, Phantom of the Opera. He's very nice looking and he's from Scotland. I really need to get away from these UK guys...or I really just need to move to the UK...I think I would prefer the latter :).

6. Been going to a lot of high school basketball games lately. We have a couple of friends that coach the jv team here in town, and we show our support by going to the jv games (home and away) and then staying for the varsity game. It's fun. I love it. It lets me get out some pent up energy. I am a very competitive person, so I get kind of into the games.

7. I think that's all I have right now as far as news. oh!

8. Happy Birthday to Orlando Bloom. I missed his birthday on the 13th, and don't want anyone to feel left out.

Cute as a Button

I would, of course, be talking about me.

Okay not really, but I have felt inordinately cute lately. I think this is just because I have been getting compliments. It's kind of nice. I wouldn't mind that they continue. However, it would be more fun if certain people would notice how cute I am, and then ask me out...or something.

I have become "undateable," and I am not exactly sure how that happened. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I don't know. Some people say that I am intimidating. I don't mean to be intimidating. And since I am not that way on purpose, that it must be something intinsic in my personality make-up, and therefore, not something that I should change about myself. Does that make sense.

Sometimes I say things that don't make sense.