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1. Sometimes I hate blogging until I know that other people have read the previous post and commented on it. I feel like they won't read any further than this new post...and so I wait...because I LOVE comments. They make me feel loved. So please, if you read this post, know that there is a previous post down below that deserves comments. :)

2. I feel like swearing a little bit in this post because, well, I feel so ______ stupid! I won't, however, because one never knows who will be reading the post...it could even be my mother.

Anyway...

I had another panic attack this week. This is the first in almost a year. I don't know if one could actually call it a panic attack...I don't know if that's the right name for what I had.
But...I froze. I could not move from the front foyer of my house for about a half hour. And even when I could move...It was in fits and starts. And I couldn't breathe and I kept crying...
And all because, except for the front foyer, all the lights in the house were off (except for a hallway light upstairs) and it was pitch black...couldn't see what I was walking into. This was not the first time someone has forgotten to keep a light on for me...but for some reason this time I couldn't walk through the house. (When y'all come in March, I will give a tour of the house since we'll be so close, and you can see what I am talking about.)

I HATE feeling so scared all of the time. It makes me feel like I am 10 years old. I mean come on!!!! I am 2_____6 years old!!!!! What other 26 year old do you know that's scared of the _______ dark!?!?!?! Yeah! That's right! NONE!!!!! Because they are smart enough to realize that things that happen in books, movies, and their imagination is NOT real!!!!!!

But for some reason my head, thinks that they are...real, that is. (And on a different note, this could be one reason I am as singel as I am, because I think that things that happen in my daydreams could possibly come true at some point in time. But we won't get into that now...we'll save that for later.) I think there could be some person in my living room waiting to kill me, or someone in the back seat of my car...or, whatever. If my mind can think it could happen. It may not be probable, but it could be possible.

Anyway, the other night when this happened, I tried to call Sara, because I figured that it is an hour earlier in Illinois, and she is usually a night owl anyway, but her phone went directly to voice mail. And then I tried to call Stupid Jeremy, (my parents think I called him because they believe that I'm still halfway in love with him, which is kind of true, but not the reason I called, and they don't need to know that truth) because he was in Oregon for the week, and it's 3 hours earlier there, but his phone, too, went directly to voicemail.

So, finally, I made it all the way into the house, and I slept with a light on...because I am a dork.

blecchhh....One day I will grow up and be a well-adjusted adult.